Like grain of sands those tears falling down... break my heart as well cut me to pieces. My sweet daughter... she cried tonight. Why ? because I was talking to someone else other than her father. She cried because I care about my boyfriend... she was jealous. She said to me that I am not allowed to talk to anyone else and that I should not love others... as in other man other than her father... she still can't understand the term of her father & me... I mean, her father & I had been going our separate way for more than 5 years ago.
More so everyday she get quite protective over me and her father...
I love my daughter very much and if that what she want than thats exactly what I am going to do !! Even if I have to walk this life alone and with loneliness. Perhaps in time she will understand but for now she isn't. I can understand her sadness and fear...
She love her father very much and she want him to be happy and want to make sure that he doesn't get hurt or feel left out. All this time, her father and myself doing great job raising our little Angel dispite our differences. We are a good time in raising our girl and became a best friend for the sake of Angel.
Without disrespecting him, I feel that life goes on and so am I. I seek for good companion to share this life together with love and cherish. I admit that I still care about her father and cherish our special bonding, so there's no way in the world that going to change..... but.... all this time I am alone... in my own world and solitude. I isolated myself from the world of dating due to respect for Angel & her father.
Arrghhhhh... I can't believe how I hurt my daughter tonight... it makes me sad to see her crying... and begging me not to have any boyfriend and to call or text her father everyday to tell him that I love him :) - isn't she sweet ??????
But she doesn't understand the concept of divorcing.... she still too young....
She asked lots lately... why don't I wear wedding ring ? why do we live in separate house ? why her father not hugging me ? why doesn't he kiss me when he come to our house ? so many why questions she asked me ....

She still crying now... and telling me what divorce mean... my heart so heavy with pain and my shoulder so heavy with guilt.... she said divorce mean: when parent don't live together and talk anymore and not love eachother anymore......
I said to her that her daddy and I still talking and we are not fighting , we still love eachother, we still care one another.... man !! I am crying.....:cry: - what have I done to my daughter....... :cry:

I am a mother and I will do whatever it is for my daughter.... she doesn't want me to have a boyfriend then that's just what I must do !!  GOD Bless this child...

So... I am sorry ......

When I become a mother I did made a solemn promise to always protect and love my daughter amongst otehr wishes... now the time has come for me to prove it to her !!